


Peacocks and milk mustaches (or Apple pie and coffee)

by yasminakohl



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, M/M, Updated to get rid of typos (probably still some in there though)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 20:12:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4718984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasminakohl/pseuds/yasminakohl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha and Jarvis decide Steve and Tony need to stop snarking at each other and start fucking each other. Because let's face it when two people use the same asinine insult for each other, they are destined to get together. </p><p>So with a little cheating the group gets it done.</p><p>UPDATED TO FIX TYPOS I MISSED BECUASE I DONT HAVE A BETA</p><p>Apparently now tied to The Widower http://archiveofourown.org/works/8667310.<br/>Did not see that coming but then there it was, so here it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Peacocks and milk mustaches (or Apple pie and coffee)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stephrc79](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stephrc79/gifts).



> I want to thank Stephrc79 for helping me with getting the pictures uploaded.  
> I'm a dork and couldn't figure it out.
> 
> You rock my dear.
> 
> So um tumblr and ao3 aren't friends anymore for art so after I load the pictures somewhere else I'll fix the links for the art.

Tony grumbled, JARVIS let him. "He's like a damn peacock, strutting around. 'Look at me. I'm so beautiful. Look I'm good and wonderful. I stopped a speeding train while kissing a baby."

"Sir I believe that is the description best suited for Superman, not Captain America."

“Jarvis, don't ruin my rant with facts."

"Of course not, Sir. What was I thinking?" JARVIS's sarcasm came through dripping.

"He's just sooo, what's the word?" Tony continued he rambles about his teammate Captain America, aka Steve Rogers. "Virtuous."

"Of course Sir."

Tony continued ignoring the AI. "And those damn pecks of his. Just so right in your face, you can't help but look at them. His feathers, his plumage that's what they are. And don't get me started on his ass."

"Parish the thought, Sir."

"Jarvis you sounding decidedly like your namesake." Tony snapped.

"I take it all back Sir?" Jarvis offered, but more as a question than and offer.

"Fine if you're going to keep ruining my rant, I'll just have it in my head." So Tony stopped talking out loud. 

Natasha chuckled to herself. When were those two going to get it, the reason they couldn't stand each other was because they wanted to bend the other over the nearest couch, desk, counter, bench, whatever was solid.

To give Tony the illusion that his secret was still a secret, Natasha waited almost a minute before strolling in to the lab. "Stark, fix this damn thing. It keeps shorting out."

"Natasha, you cannot go swimming with these things." Tony sighed taking the Bite from the assassin.

"Then make it waterproof. I never know where I'm going to need them. Or who I'm going to need to use them on." 

Tony looked up, a look of fear across his features.

Natasha just raised an eyebrow and then smiled.

"Uh," Tony coughed, "yeah. I'll see what I can do."

Natasha patted Tony on the cheek twice and left. In the elevator she quirked an eyebrow towards the camera, "I know you knew I was there JARVIS. You didn't tell Tony I heard him talking about the Captain."

"I am was not aware you were actively listening Agent Romanoff."

"Uh huh," Her tone dry, not buying it.

"My directives are to keep Sir happy and as healthy as possible."

"Mmmhmm." 

"Neither directive was in danger."

Natasha shook her head, a half smirk on her lips, "Are you really that sneaky JARVIS?"

"Agent, you have met Sir, have you not?"

Natasha laughed. "I'll see what I can do to help with the happy and healthy part."

"My thanks will be yours, Agent Romanoff."

   
@@@

 

Natasha strolled into the common area and found Steve making a sandwich. 

"Would you like one Natasha?" Steve offered with a smile.

“Sure," no time like the present to help JARVIS, "I'll take one down to Tony after a bit."

"He in his workshop again?" Steve said with a sigh.

“Yeah, my Bites have been shorting out."

"You can't swim with them." He said over his shoulder, a tired look in his eyes. 

"So I've heard."

Steve grumbled mostly to himself, "I suppose he's only had coffee all day, or Scotch."

"Sir has in fact not consumed anything other than caffeine for more hours than is safe. But he has repeatedly ignored my requests to eat or rest."

"Why does Stark do that? What if we got called out? He wouldn't be fit to fight, he so exasperating. 'Look at me. I'm so much better than everyone else. I can build anything with nothing.' He's like a darn peacock strutting around."

Natasha choked on Steve's sandwich, since he had simply handed her his plate and started making another. God they were so in sync with each other they used the same insults.

"Are you okay? Is the bread dry?" Steve asked, immediately pouring Natasha a glass of milk.

"No just a bad image of Tony with blue and green feathers popped in my head,” Natasha covered quickly.

"Yeah like he would have anything other then red and gold feathers. His suits are his feathers and plumage. So in your face, and don't get me started on that flight suit of his."

Natasha was dying inside. She had to bite her cheek to keep from out right laughing. She saw the lights on the microwave twinkle and guessed JARVIS was laughing for her.

Steve took a drink of the milk he had poured for her just as Tony walked into the room. Tony stopped and stared. Just stared at Steve, Natasha looked over to see why and realized Steve had a milk mustache. 

"Did you cut your lip shaving Rogers?" Tony growled when he snapped out of his fugue state.

Steve's head jerked back as if he'd been physically slap. "What?"

"You're so wholesome you bleed milk,” Tony snipped, reaching out wiping the milk from Steve's lip. 

Steve rolled his eyes, "Yes, because you've never seen me wounded so couldn't possible know I bleed red, just like you. And I haven't shaved yet today, Stark."

"Wholesome and baby faced." Tony muttered.

Steve took a deep breath and kept his temper, barely. "Do you want something to eat?"

“No, I'll get something later."

"It is later, it's three in the afternoon. When was the last time you eat or slept?"

"Don't answer that JARVIS." Tony snapped at the AI. 

"He already did. Sit down and eat." Steve slid the second sandwich over towards Tony and started to make a third.

Tony frowned at the sandwich, lifted the top piece of bread and found it just the way he liked it. Roast beef, cheddar cheese, enough mayo to be moist but not enough so that the bread slid all over when you took a bite. "The salt?" Tony asked.

“Oh, I, uh, already put some on." Steve stammered.

"We eat our roast beef sandwiches the same way?" Tony asked, blinking like an owl.

"Apparently."

'Oh this is good,' Natasha thought to herself. 

Tony ate the sandwich and Natasha watched his gaze slip to Steve's ass, jerk back up then slip right back down again.

Steve turned around when Tony had his eyes on his sandwich, which Natasha couldn't decide was a good thing or not. Tony ate quickly and finished before his teammates. “All right I'm going back to work on someone's non-waterproof electrical weapon. You know, I can make the unit waterproof but the laws of electricity are something even I can’t break. If you use it in the water you are going to get shocked too." 

Natasha watched Steve's eyes travel down Tony's back to his ass and slowly drag itself back up again as Tony poured himself another cup of coffee.

“Yes, Stark, I do know a thing or two about sparks."

"I didn't say anything about sparks, I was talking about conductivity of water."

"I know what you were talking about." Natasha smiled, she let a little bit of her scheming smile bleed through. She knew it would unnerve the inventor. It did, he almost spilt his coffee as he recoiled in fear.

"You sure you need any more of that Stark? You seem awful jittery." Steve asked, true concern showing.

"I'm fine. Just need little spiders to remember to not to eat their mates,” Tony grumbled as he hurried out the door.

Steve's face scrunched up in confusion, "What is he talking about?"

"No idea, Cap, I haven't eaten any of my mate for, well gee I can't remember the last time." Her smile was just as creepy to Steve as she had let it be for Tony. "I'm off to take care of some errands. Have a day Cap."

Natasha was in the elevator before she laughed. "Oh god that was fun, remind me to mind fuck my teammates more often JARVIS."

"Of course."

"So maybe if they both think I'm up to something they're going to talk to each other to see if they can figure out what I'm conspiring. But I'm just conspiring to get them in the same room without arguing. I'm good and I didn't even plan it out."

"I will let you know what transpires with you are out." Jarvis said coolly.

"You're so sweet. I think I'll hit the book store. Oh and maybe get my hair done. What do you think? Black? If I change hair color it will really mess with them, they forget women will just randomly do that."

“Women. yes, you Agent Romanoff, never."

"We're co-conspirators JARVIS, against your creator and my team leader, I think you can call me Tasha."

"Of course Tasha."

Natasha smiled and winked at the AI as she stepped out of the elevator. 

@@@

Steve shook his head at the weird day he was having. He had woken up from the strangest dream. Tony in his suit leaning over him, his eyes dark and hooded. There was the rush of desire flooding his system as he was jerked awake from the dream...not something he dealt with often. He still wasn't sure what had woken him. He tried taking a shower to wash away the lingering flare but it had only made everything worse. Every drop of water on his skin had made it itch. Even after he'd leaned one armed against the wall and jerked off, he still felt unsettled.

He'd tried running but the wind on his skin had had a similar effect. He'd come back to the tower and taken another shower, the water chasing more white ropes on the floor down the drain.

He tried drawing but couldn't settle, tried reading a book, mission briefings, news on the Internet...anything. But nothing had worked.

He decided to try the gym and a bag. Thinking maybe he could beat it, whatever “it” was, into submission, but an hour later he was still the same. 

He took a third shower and didn't even bother to talk himself out of the third orgasm.

He went to the kitchen and to make a sandwich, that however turned into making three sandwiches and a staring contest with Stark's ass. Stark’s ass won. 

He tried to understand what Natasha meant about not eating anyone lately. He doubted it had anything to do with her code names namesake. Grabbing a Gatorade from the fridge he went to check in on Tony, to see if he could get the man to sleep.

In the lab Tony had several schematics up, each one a seeming to connect to the next. "Now what are you trying to create?" Steve asked, ire evident. 

Tony jerked, "Not create, just fix, turbines on the carrier."

Steve grabbed Tony's arm and drug him from the lab. "We are going for a walk,” Steve declared. 

"I'm busy, Spangles." Tony tried to pull free, knowing it was futile. 

“Nope, fresh air and sunshine, vitamin D is important." Steve kept walking to the elevator. He didn't let go until they were a few blocks from the tower. 

"You are abusing your powers, Captain Rogers." Tony grumbled. 

"Nope, just enforcing them."

As they passed a bodega, Steve ducked in and bought Tony a water and himself another Gatorade. He'd come to enjoy the favors. They walked for an hour before Steve let Tony steer them back towards the tower. At the commons floor both men jerked to a halt. There was a head of black hair curled in one of the chairs, the legs shaped like the Widows were hanging over the far chair arm, a book visible. 

"Um, I think, I need to, yeah...I'm officially scared." Tony rambled.

Steve wasn't fairing any better. He was still gaping. 

Natasha leaned her head backwards over the arm of the chair she was leaning against, "Hello boys. Have a nice walk?"

Steve opened his mouth then snapped it shut with a click of teeth. Instead he turned to the kitchen and pulled out ingredients for dinner. He set everything down and closed the fridge. 

"For fuck sakes." Tony exclaimed.

"What?" Steve asked.

"Three Gatorades in three hours,” Tony growled out.

"So?" 

Tony stared, "Fruit Punch, Glacial Cherry and Blue Cherry." Tony said flipping a finger up for each flavor.

Steve repeated, "So?"

"Fucking red white and blue. You're so fucking patriotic you can't drink the yellow one or something." Tony asked angrily and then left.

Steve stared at the doorway, blinking in surprise. "We're out."

Natasha kept a straight face, but God it was one of the hardest things she'd ever done. She made a mental note to make sure that those were the only favors ordered. "I'm going to be gone for dinner. Meeting up with someone. The others are still out." She called out to Steve as she to left the common area. She made it to her room before laughing. 

"Oh god Jarvis, that… you can't script that kind of stuff."

"No, you cannot." Jarvis confirmed. "I shall make sure other food in certain color combinations become more prevalent."

"Thank you. So what is the great Oz up to now?"

"Sir is currently indisposed." The amount of mirth in the vague statement had Natasha grabbing her sides as she laughed again. It didn't let up when Jarvis added, "Again."

"I love you." She gasped out between peels of laughter. 

"The sentiment is returned as much as I am able."

Once she calmed down, she called the rest of the team and told then they needed to stay away as long as possible. They started to ask why but stopped when she told them because she needed them to. Clint would be down for her plan, Bruce would end up babbling something to Tony unintentionally and Thor wouldn't be able to keep from commenting on the situation in some way, he would just be too happy for them to keep quiet. After that she changed into club clothes and left.

@@@

Steve finished making the salmon recipe he'd found on Pinterest and served a large portion for himself and a good sized portion for Tony. He was damned if he was going to let Tony live off scotch and coffee. He grabbed a tray and loaded everything on it and took it down to Tony's lab. Once down there he was wondering how he was going to enter his code to open the door but Jarvis slid the door open before he could worry about it. 

"Dinners ready,” Steve said as an introduction.

"What is it this time? Red steak, white mashed potatoes and and..." Tony stopped and tipped his head in thought, "fuck, I can't think of a blue dinner food."

Steve shook his head, "Salmon Almandine, creamed spinach and garlic bread."

"Fine."

"Are you feeling all right, Tony? You're ..."

"I'm what?"

"Grouchier than usual,” Steve said, his tone high, almost a question. 

"Lot on my mind,” Tony answered lamely. A lot, like the number of times he's come with Steve's face on his mind and his name on his lips. Not that he'd let himself call it out. If he did that he'd have forced to face his attraction, though two times in one day was kind of pushing it. 

"There anything I can do to help? Talk to Fury or Ms. Potts? Or any of the team?"

Tony tipped his head to the side in amazement. "You would tell Pepper to back off?"

Steve nodded, "If you needed."

"Wow. Thanks. No, I'm fine. I just need to work out a few kinks in projects." Tony didn't bother to mention the project was him and the kinks were his; like wanting to scream Steve's name out around a gag shoved in his mouth.

“All right. I am here for you. Anything you need, you can ask me. I'll try my hardest to help."

Tony's face managed not to go red at the thought of Steve's hardest helping him, only because all of the blood needed to make him blush was pooled in his dick.

"Right, yeah I know. Thanks." Tony stammered out. 

They fell silent as they ate dinner. Tony tinkered with this and that, he ate but didn't get lost again. He looked up when Steve cleared his throat. 

"I know it's not movie night, and none of the others are here, but would you like to watch a movie with me?"

"What do you have in mind?"

"Clint mentioned one called R.E.D., has Bruce Willis and a few others. Said it was pretty good."

Tony shrugged he'd seen it, it was good. He looked at the holograms floating around them and decided, why not? "Sure. You make popcorn better than me. You get that and I'll get drinks and the movie cued?"

Steve smiled, "Sure."

They set off for their assigned duties and met in the video room about ten minutes later. The movie started out a little slow and before it got good Tony was asleep, listing towards Steve's shoulder. Steve didn't notice until Tony's cheek was pressed against him. He looked over and found the man's sleep softened face two inches away, his feet tucked under him, his arms draped in his lap. Steve sighed, he known Tony was exhausted, the pinched lines around his eyes always gave him away. Steve shifted Tony so he was laying down on the couch, his head pillowed on Steve's thigh. He would finish the movie then carry Tony up to his bed. 

@@@

That was how Natasha found them four hours later. Tony asleep on Steve's thigh, Steve's head lolled onto the back of the couch, asleep. She draped a blanket over Tony's lower half and left them.

Tony woke to the smell of coffee, which was weird. He usually had to go search it out. He blinked his eyes open, waiting for the world to focus in, what he found was all white, his nose twitched and the white moved. He blinked again, his sheets were red. He jerked upright when his pillow moved. 

"What the hell?" Tony squeaked. He looked over and found Steve looking sleep mussed in a white t-shirt and blue jeans, the same white t-shirt and blue jeans he'd had on yesterday.

Steve stretched, the white lifting up and showing a large swath of golden skin. He let out a groan of satisfaction as things stretched out and settled back into place. "Hmm?" He asked sleep groggy. He looked over at Tony and said, "Oh, hm, you fell asleep almost as soon as the movie started. But I let you sleep through it, must have fallen asleep myself."

"Jarvis, what time is it?" 

"It is currently 9:27 am, Sir. The weather is-"

"Yeah, fine." Tony said interrupting the spiel. He twisted around and put his feet on the floor. In front of him on the coffee table was three cups of coffee. Two on his end, one on Steve's. He groaned at anyone seeing him asleep on Steve's thigh but...coffee. He drank the first cup like a man dying of thirst, the second he drank slowly. Steve had barely begun his.

Tony got up taking the cup with him, mumbling something that sounded like shower. Steve shrugged and decided that sounded like a good idea. 

The layout of the tower put Tony's bathroom directly over Steve's. If the tower was a doll house with a cut away back you would have seen both men jacking off, surprisingly in rhythm with each other and coming with in second of other. Both men dropping to their knees, biting off the name they wanted to shout out. 

The rest of the week went the same. Tony pushing himself out of guilt for masturbating to the thought of Steve fucking him, to the feel of Steve's thigh under his cheek, sans jeans next time. Then in turn, Steve dragging Tony out of the shop trying to keep him from pushing himself to hard, all the while pushing fantasies away featuring a very sleep addled Tony. Steve had no experience, so his fantasies were more tied up in what Tony might look like after, as apposed to during.

@@@

Natasha ended up telling Clint about the peacock conversation just so she would have a human to laugh about it with, between the two of them and Jarvis, they had set up several occasions where Steve and Tony were alone. It took three more weeks but they managed a repeat of the couch scene, this time, they cheated. Tony and Steve had fallen asleep, curling into each other, and the trio of conspirators banded together. Jarvis cued up rather risqué movie to play the instant the pair woke. Then Natasha took the remote and slipped it under Tony's shoulder so it would look like Tony had switched the channels. Clint set up a camera to get a better look at their faces.

The pair jerked awake to the sounds of flesh slapping against flesh, the moans deep and throaty. Steve blinked at the bright screen. Tony jerked, openly gapping at the two men on the screen, who suspiciously looked like him and Steve. When Tony tried to move and sit up his hand ended up between Steve's legs and against a very hot, very hard, very large cock. 

Steve gasped and jerked back against the couch back. Tony groaned and pushed himself upright, now kneeling on the remote. The TV changed and so did the scenario. Still more men, more ragging cocks, this time a good cock sucking. Tony yanked the remote out from under his knee and the scene changed a third time, this one a dark man tied over a table with a blonde spanking a very red ass. 

Tony couldn't bite back the moan and Steve jerked his head to look at Tony. He imitation of a tennis spectator was spot on for a few seconds, his head bouncing between the screen and Tony. Then he reached out and grabbed Tony's shoulders and kissed him.

The kiss was uncoordinated as hell, but good, nonetheless. Tony felt himself being dragged into Steve's lap and felt that cock grind up into him. Tony ground down and took over the kiss. It wasn't long before Steve whimpered and tried to sink farther into the couch, then Steve went ridged and gasped into Tony's mouth. Tony felt the warmth spread under him and smirked. But he was afraid to say anything and break the spell. 

Steve spoke first, "Do that again. God, do that again." His voice was harsh and shaking. "Please!"

Tony ground down and found Steve was still hard. "Gonna change your uniform to pink and give you a drum." 

Steve moaned, "Not a bunny."

Tony's heart raced, Steve had gotten his Energizer joke, "But I bet you can fuck like one." Tony took a chance, and asked, "Wanna go find out?"

“Yes," Steve groaned out, holding Tony's hips tight as he thrust up a hand full of times before coming again.

"It's a thousand times better when that's in something,” Tony offered.

"Think I'm gonna die for real then,” Steve huffed out. "Hell, who's rooms closer?"

"Unless you've got lube in yours it doesn't matter." Tony countered, leaning in to kiss Steve. 

Steve's answer was to stand up, taking Tony with him. Tony wrapped his legs around Steve's waist and held on. He kept kissing the solider, who was carrying him like a child, they stopped only when Steve climbed onto Tony's bed. "What do I do?" Steve whimpered.

"Damn novices,” Tony muttered, "open the second drawer, clear bottle, blue lid." Steve followed the instructions, "now take those off,” Tony added as he pulled the bottle free from Steve's hand. Steve stood up and stripped, shivering when the cool air hit the still body temperature come. "You might want to go clean up." Tony waved a hand in the direction of his bathroom, then stripped himself while Steve was gone. He thought about leaving his tank top on, but Steve'd seen him naked before. Tony poured the slippery liquid on his fingers and arched to press a finger in. He shivered at the feeling and worked until he could get two in. Steve was back just as he added the second. "Come here." Tony gasped out.

He took the towel still in Steve's hand and wiped his own hand clean. He pulled Steve down onto the bed between his legs. He drizzled lube on Steve's large fingers and guided his hand to his hole, "One at a time,” He felt Steve curl his fingers in towards his hand, pressing just one against him. He heard Steve moan as the finger sank into him. "Work it back and forth for a few, then you can add a second. Your hands are bigger than mine. But so is your cock."

Steve nodded, his eyes dark blue and staring at his finger, as it pushed and pulled free of Tony's body. He managed to suppress a shiver. But only until he chanced adding a second finger. The moan Tony let loose with; the shiver was all he could do not to come again. Steve followed Tony's husky directions until Tony was a sweating mess before him, telling him it was enough and to fuck him already.

Steve took a deep breath and held onto his cock, praying he lasted longer than he had so far. He pressed into Tony slowly, savoring the feel of being completely intimate with someone for the first time. His entire body shook, he couldn't breath, he felt Tony's body give and swallow him, felt Tony's hands on his hips, just fingertips at first, pulling him further in. When his hips rested against Tony’s, he gasped and another full body shiver found its way out.

“Tony, oh hell." Steve huffed out. "Oh this is...how am I ever going to…? It's to much, to good...I can feel everything."

"I know, so overwhelming. But I'm betting your good for more than four. So don't hold back, just fuck me 'til you can't anymore."

Steve choked as he started to move, having suddenly forgotten how to breath and swallow at the same time. It was only a few strokes and everything tightened up, he felt the world explode. " No. No. No" 

"Keep going it's all right, fill me up with it,” Tony crooned. 

It was only a moment before Steve started to move again, his hips rocking in perfect rhythm. "So...oh...don't...words."

"I know, to much, so good." Tony slurred out. Steve was dragging over his prostate, "So good, so perfect and you don't even know it."

Steve felt the fluttering around him, he moaned as the tingling built again. He watched as Tony wrapped a hand around his own cock, stroking it in time to Steve's thrusts.

"Gonna fill me up again? Yeah, come for me." 

Steve didn't know how to hold back, so did as Tony said, then watched as Tony writhed below him, painting his chest white. He watched as one spurt hit the reactor, before he could think, he leaned down and licked it from the glass. He heard Tony gasp, felt him shudder and his hips bucking up.

"You're to much. Fuck." Tony whimpered. 

Steve softened a little so he pulled free and laid down next to Tony. He drug the towel over and wiped Tony's chest clean. 

"Holy shit. Are you real?" Tony asked sleepily. 

"Last I checked."

"Kay we're doing that again in a couple hours." Tony fell asleep as soon as his lips stopped moving. Steve watched him sleep for a few minutes before joining him.

@@@

When Steve woke up it was to the feeling of a tongue on his cock. He jolted when it turned into the full of Tony's mouth. He gasped and reached for the sheets to have something to hold on to. "Wha... Oh god Tony?"

"I'm a little hurt you think someone else might be sucking your cock."

Steve bit back the wimpier at the loss of Tony’s mouth, ”No just you,” Steve stammered. 

“Good," the warm wet returned.

Steve thrashed his head, it was to much again, "Tony!" He tried to warn him but his brain short circuited and he came. He heard Tony's moan and felt the vibrations.

"I think I hate you,” Tony said. Tony continued before the words sunk into Steve's blissed out mind, "You taste like a damn apple pie." 

He would have laughed if he'd had the energy, really he would have. "You taste like coffee," was what he managed. 

Tony leaned over Steve, looking down with his eyes dark and glittering, "Then I guess together we make the best dessert ever; apple pie and coffee."


End file.
